The Simple Twists of Fate
by rockenpnay
Summary: Sirius reflects on the path his life has taken and the woman he loves yet can never have. Please R/R


The Simple Twists of Fate  
  
By: Rockenpnay [Genise M.]  
  
Disclaimer: Sirius, Lily, James, and Harry are the property of JK Rowling. This piece of fan fiction is merely that. a piece of work created out of my pure love of the books. In other words..don't sue  
  
Summary: Sirius reflects on the path his life has taken and the woman he loves yet can never have.  
  
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Sometimes fate is confusing. You wonder how it is that circumstances should follow an absurdly complicated path, how so many coincidences should alter the way you view life, as well as how you live it.  
  
And now, here I stand. Silent Sirius. I've always been partially reserved, thus the additional silence has been accepted without question.  
  
The house is full of people who love them. I am one included. There is James, my best friend, a man I would give my life for and acknowledge as closer to me than my own brother. He stands in the corner, talking to Lupin and to the rest of our friends, his jet black hair in its usual state of disarray. James was always the life of the party, the one who sought the most attention and usually received it.  
  
But here comes the ultimate betrayal. I clench the glass of pumpkin juice in my hand as my mind travels back years, back to Hogwarts.  
  
James, back then arrogant and self-assured like I had been, had become intrigued by a girl by the name of Lily. For James it had been her rejection, her obvious disdain for him and his ways, that had initially attracted him. Naturally, I was amused. I had my own interests, other girls who attracted in me the lust of a regular teenage wizard.  
  
Until, one day, I came face to face with Lily Evans. Her dazzling green eyes had punctured a wide gaping hole into my heart with that first glance. It was a moment I haven't, and will never, forget. James, Lupin, and the rest of our friends had received detention from Professor McGonagall. I, being lucky enough not to share that class with them, was lounging underneath the tree that we always met at for lunch.  
  
It was at this moment that Lily came over and sat down on the grass next to me. She and James had been together for a while, but the two of us had never had the opportunity to talk. I still remember the freshness of her face and skin, the small freckles that lightly dotted her cheekbones, the cautious smile that she first gave me as she approached.  
  
"In the mood for company, Sirius?" She asked.  
  
I gave her one of my bored looks and gesture to the grass near me. "Go ahead." I replied. As she sat down, I suddenly felt uneasy, and the sensation had indeed been troubling. Imagine me, Sirius Black, the wizard least likely to lose his cool at Hogwarts, suddenly feel nervous sitting next to this girl, the girlfriend of his best friend.  
  
And it was at that moment that I fell in love with my best friend's woman.  
  
It was difficult to tell Lily's position at first. After that afternoon on the grass, she made sure to keep her distance from me. But not always. Sometimes our arms would brush, the physical contact sending shivers through both of us as our eyes met and I knew that my feelings for her were, if only slightly, reflected in the green depths of her eyes.  
  
This continued for years, I pushed myself into work, reminded myself constantly that James, in his blissful state of ignorance, was my brother. But I could never quite get her green eyes out of my head.  
  
Then came the wedding. It was only expected. Who wouldn't have matched Lily and James together? They were perfect, honest people. I didn't have to pretend to be thrilled at the announcement, I was thrilled, but it was mixed with a bittersweet emotion I still have yet to identify.  
  
And now, I have become quite an expert at suppressing my feelings for Lily. James makes her laugh, adores her, better than I could have ever done. I see her approaching me, a gurgling bundle in her arms and a bright smile on her face.  
  
"Well, Silent Sirius," She said with a mock stern look, "are we sulking in the corners again?"  
  
"Of course." I reply, the corners of my mouth twisting into a grin. She smiles, then glances at the blue bundle in her arms.  
  
This is the first time I've had a chance to see Harry, to see the result of a union between two people I love. He's beautiful, with a tuft of black hair on his head and James' nose, but his eyes are what attract me the most, because they look like his mother's.  
  
I place a finger in his tiny hand, and he grasps on, as if clinging for dear life. I smile, tilting my head up to look at his mother, who looks at me with a rare show of vulnerability in her eyes.  
  
Neither of us have to say anything. We know the what-if's, have always questioned what would have happened if the situation were different. The message was clear in her eyes: this could have been our child that we were all celebrating.  
  
I give her a reassuring smile and place a hand on her arm. There are no hard feelings. I do not resent her, or James, for having the life and family that I have always wanted.  
  
"Sirius," She said suddenly, "I wanted to ask you something-"  
  
"Go ahead, Lily," I interrupt, "you know it's never any trouble." Not for her it isn't, I think. I would die for Lily.  
  
She still continues to hesitate. "Well, I was wondering, since I trust you more than anyone, if you would be Harry's godfather."  
  
I grin at that. His godfather.  
  
Of course it's no problem. 


End file.
